Idiosyncratic Stasis

Idiosyncratic Stasis [1]

It’s early December.

The final year of the first decade in the third millennium of the “common era” is drawing to a close and I find myself in idiosyncratic stasis.

I feel very far from home although unsure of where home is or even what it is.  It’s not a place; perhaps it’s more a temporal thing, a philosophical thing, a spiritual thing and yes, definitely a communal thing.  But it’s one I don’t sense.  The world seems to have spun away from me and I don’t recognize it.

After many decades away I’m back in the city of my birth but the family I once knew here is all gone, passed away or emigrated, and the friends I had here as a child and with whom I remained in touch all my life seem different from closer up; it’s probably me who’s changed.

Who’d have thought that Manizales could enjoy a white Christmas?  Sure, for the last several millennia there have been perpetually-snow-covered-glaciers nearby, but in the city itself; — never.  That is, of course, unless you consider the clouds.

The clouds are blanketing Manizales today, perhaps preening for the possibility of their own version of a white Christmas.  I wonder how that’ll make me feel?  Nostalgic for the beautiful white Christmases on Long Island; the Huntington Towne House or, even better, that great Norman Castle at the top of Cold Spring Hills streaming recklessly tobogganing teens dodging incoming trees?  Or will I just feel a haunting brush of sadness, focusing on the past instead of the present or the future?

The present seems so tenuous right now; it’s hard to understand who we’ve become or how we got here, personally and as a world.  My friends seem so changed for the most part and perhaps to them the one who’s changed is me.  And perhaps that’s true.  Not in my aspirations but perhaps in my perceptions.

I wonder what the future holds.

[1] © Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2010; all rights reserved

2 thoughts on “Idiosyncratic Stasis

  1. I hear you loud and clear. I have lived enough time to observe “Life’s Changes” It seems this is what happens when time goes on. Just to think what I went through, just to get to where I am today. I experienced 3 bad marriages, I’ll say it was them. I experienced losing both parents, just 6 weeks apart. I am now experiencing a life threatening sickness that is taking over my sister’s health. I’ve lived in a few different places, made lots of friends along the way, but those friends have become occasional, and I just keep moving on.

    Trying not to quote Rocky, we all change. Change is healthy. The distance we feel about friends I think is normal. The distance we feel concerning family, I think is also healthy. Of course, my outlook on life is much different at 55, then it was before. Probably living in Asheville has alot to do with that. My relationship with Marilyn, will continue as my #1 priority…..No matter how much she loves me, I will always love her more……My friends are my friends. I enjoy them for who they are, and not what they bring to the table. I love my home, I love where I live, I love my life, and I love sharing all this with the woman I love most.


    • Dear Mikey,

      Even as a teenager you were all about love, loved receiving it and it exuded from you. And joy. How not to love you! I don’t remember if you ever saw the painting I included you in. It was my best and long lost, you were an earthy but wise Sancho Panza to a blind, slender pompous Quixote, you noticed Dulcinea hiding behind a tree and watching you both pass, and you noticed the squirrels and the rabbits watching as well, and the flowers and the birds, and you enjoyed every bit of them. You’re happiness and your happiness is contagious; Marylin is as lucky as you feel yourself to be. I’m very grateful to her for recognizing and treasuring you.



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