Introspections in Purples and Lavenders and Russets and Browns

I wonder how purple and lavender get along?  One reflecting royal masculinity and the other, tender femininity, or so it seems to me.  Crimson, best friends with scarlet, also seems to get along well with gold.  But gold and yellow, perhaps not as much.  And with green, not at all, although yellow and green are the happiest reflections of nature’s lust.  At least, … so it seems to me.

For some reason, I’ve always insisted on keeping negative information to myself, as if by doing so, I were protecting others dear to me, perhaps hoping that, alone, I’ll manage to make things right. But, perhaps, in a related manner, I generally decline to revel in the positive, instead, keeping it discreet, as if by recognizing it, by giving it too much importance, it would prove illusory, or perhaps, … disperse. 

Not that I don’t experience instances of intense joy, but they are ephemeral, lasting but an instant, and then fading to pastel shades that quickly meld, camouflaged, into the quotidian.  Not really two sides of the same coin but, perhaps, in some sense, complimentary; discretely so.  I wonder how common these reactions are among others?  I wonder if I’ll ever

Russets and browns swaying in autumn winds, then slowly drifting to pool over sylvan toes.  Never wondering why, or worrying as to where they’ll next go.  I wonder what it would be like to be a leaf, enjoying the sun, safely ensconced on a twig, the twig on a branch, the branch on a trunk, a trunk with long, slender fingers twisting below.

I wonder what impact my surface subterfuge has on the chaotic inner me, where nothing is held back, where no masks are allowed.  An inner me I don’t think I’ve ever met.  One perhaps at war with the me that others see.  One where emotions and aspirations roam free of all constraints, where a kernel of the child I may once have been, perhaps, still esoterically runs free.

_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2022; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

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