Observations on the Other Side of the Veil and Just where Jimmy Buffet Might Be

Nirvana doesn’t appeal to me.  Nor frankly do Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, etc., although heaven is such an amorphous concept it can encompass anything. 

Abrahamic heaven is certainly not my thing.  At best, horribly boring with perpetual psalms, harping and sycophancy. 

But an afterlife with everyone I’ve cared for would be interesting even if complex given competing and inconsistent relationships; at least in my case.

Hell is apparently were all the fun people go so a hell without the torment would be pretty awesome.  I wonder if Jimmy Buffet is there, and the Beatles who’ve passed on, and Elvis, and Mickey Mantle and Joe DiMaggio.  Awesome artists of course, Vincent van Gogh and Picasso, Rembrandt and da Vinci, Raphael and el Greco, Michelangelo too.  And actors and actresses and writers, and of course, poets.  Of course, a lot of unpleasant characters would be there as well, loads of politicians and lawyers and pseudo journalists, pederasts and rapists and  reams upon reams of religious leaders, popes, cardinals, bishops, priests, rabbis, pastors.  And a lot of military officers, especially generals and field marshals and such.  And monarchs and judges and jurists who made mistaken decisions. 

So Hell, … interesting but not really for me.  Too much like the current world.

Purgatory.  Hmmm, probably pretty cool, maybe the best of Hell without its downside.  But Limbo?  Well, sort of vacuous with a lot of babies wailing wondering just what the heck they were doing there, and who they were, and why they’d been abandoned. 

What kind of deity creates the foregoing and where ought he, she, it or they be reigning, if anywhere at all.

But Nirvana. 

I guess I’m not yet evolved enough to yearn for the absence of everything and anything, everyone and anyone.  As though I’d never been, which I find philosophically confusing.  Why all the effort, all the incarnations and suffering and, well, pleasure too, if the goal is to return to what I was before I was.  Unless, of course, it’s just an exercise for the education, training and evolution of the omnidivine.

But what happens when the omnidivine attains Nirvana?

Now Margaritaville. 

That would be something else.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Boredom, Love and Introspection

Reflection and introspection at times clarified things for him.  His life had not been bad but it had been confusing, and despite its complexities and diversity, he was unfulfilled.  Fulfillment, he realized, at least in his case, had to come from within, and his attempts to obtain it through his diverse relationships had always been a mistake, a detour at best, a deliberate misdirection at worst.  But misdirection by whom, and for what purpose?  That seemed incomprehensible.  He was not usually prone to delusions of grandeur, or to despair.  He was just not important enough to merit that kind of attention, unless each and every one of us was.

We humans are gregarious he thought to himself, seeking to contradict instincts that hinted that introversion was not synonymous with temerity, and that at least in his case, accurate answers were more likely to be derived from inner reflection than from outward associations.  His truths lay within, something he’d always sensed, and perhaps it was boredom more than anything else that misled him.  Alleviation of boredom through intimacy with others was not love, although it often seemed that way, and when the boredom dissipated somewhat, what passed for love was gone as well.  Residues remained, affection, respect, gratitude, but nothing of the synergistic mutual resonance that he felt love should have involved, and those residues were always tinged with regret and self-recrimination because the residues included consequences to others, as if, vampire-like, he’d left the objects of his affection drained.

It was not love that he sought, although that’s what he frequently thought, but fulfillment of a very different kind, fulfillment that had no fear of loneliness nor need of external resources.  A sort of fulfillment crafted from inner echoes and infinite reflections in perfectly juxtaposed interior mirrors where, perhaps, his soul communed with his heart and with his mind seeking to grasp the eternal within and without.  And in that context, others would always be a distraction when the mists of passion lifted.  As they always did.

He was, he felt, a sort of tempest, a cyclone, a hurricane whose vortex needed to keep ascending fighting against emotional gravity wells lest he crash to earth and lose himself in drifts and eddies of rootless emotions, then be crushed in the grasp of history’s relentlessly chaotic tides.  But he’d always been drawn to chaos in whose inchoate depths everything remained possible and from whence he suspected he’d been cast adrift eons ago, before there existed time or space.  Cast adrift to find something, perhaps an antidote to relentless order, or perhaps something altogether intangible, perhaps an antidote to a divine inchoatesy, perhaps a counter balance to divinity itself, if divinity in fact existed.

What would that make him he wondered, as images of Hêlēl and Samael and Shaitan churned in his version of Jung’s universal unconscious, or was that subconscious, and any way, was there a difference there, or any relevance?  Did relevance in fact exist?  Was he utterly lost or on the verge of enlightenment, perhaps sitting in a lotus-like position, meditating under an immense primordial tree, perhaps somewhere near the intersection of Ragnarok and Eden, futilely seeking enlightenment?

Or was he just bored.  …. 

Again.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Sméagol the-all-colored-and-none

The lava was dazzlingly bright and malodorous, viscous and horribly searing.  He could feel the ring formerly called by some Isildur’s Bane, the One Ring, the one still on Frodo’s finger but both now both ensconced in his belly, both stirring and rumbling, as if fighting or perhaps mating.  Somehow the One Ring and Frodo’s finger formed a strange amalgam protecting him from the elements in which he found himself immersed, albeit changing him.  He was actually breathing the molten blend of minerals in the core of Mt. Doom, becoming one with them and gaining insights.  Everything that had once been vague, confusing and occluded was becoming crystal clear.  Well, actually, had become crystal clear.  His metamorphosis, if not complete, was well on the road to completion.  For some reason he thought of two thespians, one a crooner and the other a comic, and strangely, at the same time, visa versa.  They’d someday be famous for something called “road movies”, at least for a while, but their time would be followed by one where the past was something to be quickly discarded and replaced with nary a trace.  Strange sort of prescient instant but not one involving the Middle Earth he’d always thought of as home.

His Gollum aspects had been purified and distilled somehow, and become integrated with the Sméagol from whom they’d once escaped, the Sméagol who had once been and would be again, albeit in a drastically changed form, all occurring concurrently.  Everything, he realized, was both concurrent and complimentary, especially those things that most seemed at odds.  Oxymoronism was the rule rather than an exception as the power of the One Ring and the one finger were integrated into his being.  As had been the case with that damned Gandalf the Grey, when he’d been had been transformed into Gandalf the White, his essence seared and melded in the comparatively minor fires in the depths of Khazad-Dûm, so Sméagol was being transformed, was transformed in the infinitely more powerful and hellishly hot timeless fires of Mount Doom.  Yes, Sméagol too had emerged transformed, transformed into the all-powerful being he’d aspired to, but not quite.  The metamorphosis apparently involved a complex blend of good and evil, and the Gollum he’d been ironically found himself transformed into Sméagol the White, Sméagol of the many colors, Sméagol the-all-colored-and-none.  But what had he been before?  Gollum the Black perhaps, or Sméagol the sort of dingy grey.

Anyway, “it”, whatever “it was”, was not what he’d imagined.  His final triumph over the burglar had not turned out as he’d hoped.  He was encumbered rather than liberated, chained to responsibilities in every direction.  He was chained in chains more biting and bitter than those in Barad-dûr, although as ethereal as they were ephemeral.  He was as imprisoned as he’d ever been, although now in a prison of his own devise where “duty”, rather than feckless free will and whimsical follies and grandeur, seemed to be what divinity entailed. 

He was not quite omniscient, although he now knew almost everything that had ever happened and had a fair inkling of what was to come, and if he was omnipotent, his use of power was severely constrained through limits that may or may not have been self-imposed.  And omnipresence was very overblown as it stretched him so thinly over time and space as to make him virtually non-existent.  As to omnibenevolence, well that was only possible if he froze everything and failed to permit any action at all, and apparently, his possibly self-imposed limits rendered that as improbable as it was impractical.  The closest that could be attained in that regard was a sort of perpetual balance between the light and the dark, between absolute silence and the eternally unwinding song of the orbs.  Damned stifling he thought.

Sméagol was disappointed.  And he had a bit of indigestion as his body tried to assimilate both Frodo’s finger and the One Ring, and despite the hellish heat in the nethermost pits of Mount Doom, he felt bitterly cold.  And the massive constant input of information made him dizzy.  And he was lonely and alone, now the only being of his kind.  Worse, the former occupant of his current post had evaporated as Sméagol’s metamorphosis took hold, changing into a joyful mist from whence was shouted: “free at last, free at last, thank Me all-mighty I’m free at last”, … or some such thing.

Sméagol remembered Bilbo and Frodo and Hobbits and fishies and his cavern and his lake and his little boat, and he remembered the stages through which he’d passed to become what he now was, some phases when he’d been relatively happy, albeit mainly as a baby, then increasingly less so as he’d grown into a young lad of a species now extinct (having been assimilated into various other species, Hobbits among them).  He remembered how tasty orcs and goblins could be, especially when seasoned with a bit of garlic, which was hellishly hard to come by given the absence of Italians in the Middle Earth of his time.  But now all times were his to play with, albeit passively, but what fun was there in passivity he thought to himself, there being no one around with whom to chat, or with whom to share riddles.

He speculated on how Italians might fit into “his” Middle Earth.  Perhaps medieval Italians.  But had they already invented the cuisine for which future Italians would become famous and with which he, free of temporal constraints, was already somehow familiar?  And what about the famous “Mafia”, which was apparently not an acronym for the Mothers and Fathers Italian Association?  He wondered why Italy had come to mind, rather than say, South Africa, or England, now that he had the omniverse in which to play, although, he recalled, only in a passive sense.  Then he wondered why South Africa and England felt more relevant.  And Iceland, something about its sagas seemed important.

Perhaps, thought Sméagol the White (or whatever, the colors issue had become confusing), this was all a dream, perhaps everything was a dream and only dreams existed, and perhaps he was the only dreamer.  Perhaps he’d always been the only dreamer in a dream from which there could be no escape, notwithstanding omniscience and omnipotence and all the other omnis, all of them being somehow passive in the end, each one cancelling out the others.

Then gratefully, if not blissfully, everything became dark, if not quite silent.  That damned infernal music of the orbs was incessant as was the somewhat painful rumbling in his stomach, but Sméagol the White, Sméagol of the many colors, Sméagol the-all-colored-and-none slept; hopefully dreamlessly and forever if not quite peacefully.

Sigh!!!!!

In a corner somewhere else in time and space, a place but not a place, someone chuckled, and a string of multicolored rings made from some sort of smoke played at tag.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.  Adapted from concepts developed by JRR Tolkien in his diverse copyrighted Middle Earth projects furthered by his son Christopher in other Middle earth related projects. Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

On the relative values of morality, immorality and amorality to the Divine: a Reflection

Morality and immorality are both artificial constructs.  Amorality may be an immortal observer and hence, at the very least, a companion to the Divine.

Completely and absolutely neutral and seemingly disinterested but perhaps just analyzing and observing, very like to the Divine.  So far beyond normal complexity and profundity as to make the “all” virtually nonexistent, at least as far as it’s concerned.

Perhaps wondering though. 

Reflecting introspectively on the human phrase, “to be, or not to be” and wondering just what “a question” entails.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Memories

It’s a day for echoes hiding in shadows
but with the expectation
that they’ll be found;

Faded colors that once lived in rainbows
reminiscing about the past
where the grass was always greener.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Apples and Chaos and Time: a metaphysical reflection of sorts

Keywords: inchoate, cosmogony, cosmology, mythology, religion, metaphysics

Chaos was not incoherent, merely inchoate[1], … and subject to constant change as everything that could happen, happened, and not just the bad things to which Murphy alludes.  Everything!

It was infinitely inchoate except for a single fleeting reality, a sort of tease really, but the reality of the instant was constantly changing, sometimes repeatedly, other times not.  The multiverse was constantly assembled and disassembled, then reassembled in different patterns.  Memory was ephemeral, whether involving radiation, energy or matter.  Multiverses existed but for what humans would consider a tiny fraction of a zeptosecond[2], but with fully formed recollections going back billions of years, at least so that during that infinitesimal fraction of a zeptosecond, quintillions of beings scattered throughout that multiverse believed they had a present, and had had a past, and had aspirations for a future, and it might be that at some other fraction of a zeptosecond, either in the past or concurrently somewhere else or in some future fraction of a zeptosecond, there might be continuity of sorts, but everything was not random, at least not always.  Nonetheless, discontinuity was the rule, at least usually.  Each zeptosegundic civilization might be interrupted for eternities before one instant there followed another, although time being non-existent, oxymoronically, instants and an eternities both lacked context or meaning, everything occurring concurrently but, simultaneously, not occurring at all.  Chaos was, well, chaotic that way, but interesting, very interesting.

Two beings formed the only continuity in chaos, a sort of husband, who lacked a name (having been the first) and his consort, whom he called Sophia.  He’d willed her into existence, freeing her from the inchoate, or perhaps, he’d merely severed her from himself so that he’d not be alone, or perhaps she was just his echo, as ying would someday be to yang, or alpha to omega, or male to female.

Each had the ability to create chains of existence, something he’d always been able to do but had not considered until she appeared at his side, or within him, or somewhere, somehow perceptible; but they were both rather immature, very fickle, and, like the context in which they existed, with very poorly developed memories, linearity being anathema to them but essential for memory.  You see, memory implied order, and order implied a sort of temporal stability and was thus a heresy to beings born in inchoate chaos, thus they (or at least, he) had no intention of permitting order or time in his (well, now their) realm.  He somehow perceived that it would bring limits to their infinite power and perhaps permit others to pop into existence, … and remain “existent”.  And that would inevitably destroy the unstable stability required to maintain chaos perfectly inchoate.  Inchoate chaos, were everything was equally possible and thus much more than just probable, and where every possibility could coexist concurrently.  Indeed, given the absence of time, every possibility had to coexist concurrently, albeit, as we’ve noted, rather briefly.  Extreme brevity, the most extreme brevity possible, was also an essential and inherent component of inchoate chaos.

The foregoing was, of course, chock full of paradoxes, an infinity of paradoxes running concurrently, like uncontrolled chain reactions of quanta fusing inchoate quarks into whatever inchoate quarks wanted to become.  Perhaps he’d been the result of the first such fusion, and perhaps he’d immediately sought to contain and discontinue the phenomenon.  If so, that would have ended the perfect harmony of inchoate chaos and represented the first quanta of order.  How ironic would that have been?  But, of course, memory being strictly forbidden, he had no memory of anything before him, or with him, at least until Sofia had somehow appeared.  And come to think of it, since she’d joined him, waves seemed to be jostling the infinity of ephemeral multiverses a bit.  He could tell because the waves made a sort of music, and he’d enjoyed the music, unaware of what it might mean.  As he’d enjoyed Sophia’s company, unaware of what that might mean either.  But music and Sophia sort of went together, and Sophia had never been aware of an existence were the music had not been present.

And then, of a sudden, there had been a sudden.  The first “sudden”, sort of.

The first sudden, and inchoatesy had been ruptured and time had appeared from apparently nowhere and everywhere synchronously (knowing that it was anathema it’d been hiding), and order emerged, starting to gather up infinitesimal pieces, linking and organizing them, although to anyone who might have been watching[3] there was a huge blast.  Infinitely hot, but only for a small fraction of a zeptosecond, after which it started to cool and expand.

And the One looked at Sophia, but she just shrugged, the first shrug, and for some reason, she thought of apples.

….
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.


[1] Something that will be, with the passage of time, but is not yet, at least not quite, but is perhaps hinted at.

[2] The smallest unit of measurable time, i.e., the time it takes a photon to traverse a proton.

[3] And, of course, everyone was (even an inchoate version of you was there), although unaware of what we were doing, having been inchoate until then, and inchoatesy took a long time to unravel, now that time existed, as well as, well, … motion.

A Tale of Canaan and Ur and Uruk, of Three Trees in Three Gardens and of Eggs and Omelets as Well, all as Overheard by an Angry South Wind: A sort of bridge over troubled waters

Gilgamesh was not really fond of the little Canaanite wanabe storm deity, one of El’s seventy sons, one not all that important.  The kid was Baal’s shadow, always following him around, mimicking his gestures behind his back, envious and enthralled concurrently, ambivalent, apparently without much of a future (although past, present and future as well as time in general were considered irrelevancies to deities, even very minor and insignificant deities).  Anyway, in the little deity’s opinion, all of his siblings shared the ichor derived from El’s semen so, in a sense, they were all sort of avatars, a form of equality; at least that’s what the little deity kept telling himself, at least then. 

Gilgamesh was a Kengirian from the city of Uruk who loved to wander, even though as Uruk’s king he had serious responsibilities.  He had a decent, well trained staff though and they knew better than to disappoint him. 

His wanderings not infrequently took him to the lands of the Canaanites, no big deal really, but also, given that he was at least a demigod, on occasion they also took him to the divine court of El, the elder and ruler of the El-ohim.  The El-ohim were the Canaanite’s complex pantheon, in some ways, an incubator for other pantheons although certainly not for the much older pantheon of the Anunnaki to which Gilgamesh was sort of pledged. 

Gilgamesh interacted with the members of the El-ohim, perhaps a bit too proudly, but with the exception of El and his spouse Athirat, they tended to defer to him.  Sort of.  Sort of fearfully.  But with their dignity at least superficially sort of preserved.  They’d heard stories.  And it was, of course, at the court of El that he’d encountered the minor deity some referred to as “the pest” (as in pest-ilence).  If he had a name, it was too much trouble to worry about remembering.  Gigamesh just thought of him, when he thought of him (which was very infrequently), as “he-that-was-whatever-he-was”.

Gilgamesh was not a full, one hundred percent deity, that was true, although he was a son of Ninsun, a goddess, and of Lugalbanda, who although born a mortal was eventually deified.  Lugalbanda had been a great king, albeit of a small city by today’s standards, but the largest and most powerful then existing (boasting of between 40,000 and 80,000 inhabitants, depending on how its boundaries were interpreted).  Even so, Gilgamesh was and had always been (and would always be) unique.  Like his father, he tended to be the best at everything he tried.  Something the little Canaanite divinity, taken with him, unsuccessfully sought to emulate, … at the time. 

The very minor divinity (at least then), had a very vivid imagination.  While his principal role in the pantheon of the El-ohim merely involved smelting and metallurgy, not such a small thing as future events would indicate, it seemed just a craft to him, and he sometimes fantasized about eliminating his father and then his sixty-nine brothers, especially Baal, and perhaps even his mother and sisters, although perhaps the latter could serve in a divine harem.  When he was in a more generous mood, his fantasy was a bit less bloodthirsty, perhaps he might just someday dethrone them all and rule over, but not merely as a primus inter pares.  While time did not really exist for divinities, at least not as it did for mortals, he felt that someday, his time would come. “Just wait and see”.

Given his insignificance among the El-ohim, the little Canaanite deity tended to wander alone in lonely desserts in the mortal realms rather than sitting around, ignored at court.  He loved basking in the heat, learning to wield lightning and thunder, and even assuming the form of fire as a burning shrub from time to time, frightening the inhabitants.  He loved playing in the giant sandstorms that appeared out of nowhere but which did him no harm.  Indeed, he considered himself a sort of storm god rather than merely a patron of metalworkers.   Deism had its privileges, even for insignificant, minor deities.  And of course, he experimented with melting rocks and extracting the metals they hoarded, especially the shiny yellow one that seemed to capture the essence of the sun and which was so easy to mold into interesting shapes.

Sometimes when visiting the El-ohim, Gilgamesh, unobserved, would watch the pompous little deity at play and laugh to himself, recalling his own infancy at court.  And his own apparently bloated aspirations at the time as he fantasized about what kind of king he might be when his time came.  Sometimes Gilgamesh even speculated on what might become of the young and obviously insecure deity.  Insecure with good reason.  But divine insecurity tended to breed unpredictability and ruthlessness, both of which interested Gilgamesh (he was prone to neither but fascinated by both).  And sometimes, albeit not that often, Gilgamesh too fantasized, longing for the challenge of an equal, imagining that a real challenge might be fun.

Interestingly, after a time, a pretty long time for those forced to deal with that messy concept, the little deity (no longer quite so little, in fact, he’d be best referred to as a “young” deity), decided to find out more about Gilgamesh, a sort of reversal of roles, but stealthily, by following Gilgamesh to his own domain, Uruk. 

And he did. 

He was fascinated, not only by the cosmopolitan nature of the city and its people, but by all of the area that surrounded it, and he wished that rather than having been born among the El-ohim, he’d been born into the Anunnaki.  Charmed by the area, a sort of league of cities, the young Canaanite deity took to wandering there instead of in the Canaanite dessert and eventually, after a millennium or so, he started spending more and more time in a Kengirian city not all that far from Uruk, one called Ur.  And he sort of started hanging around there, but sort of incognito, especially careful to avoid being noticed by the local deities who might take it into their heads, as a sort of diplomatic courtesy, to suggest to El that he might want to have a sort of census of his progeny.  And then El might take it into his head to have proud Baal come and collect him, which would be even more humiliating than usual.  And so, while wondering around the land known to its inhabitants as Kengir (but by others as Sumer), and from time to time slipping into the abode of their local pantheon (after all, fair was fair, and if Gilgamesh, not even a full deity, could visit his pantheon, why shouldn’t he visit theirs), the young Canaanite deity learned a good deal more about his childhood hero, who, it seems, was everybody’s hero.  Indeed, much later, he would be acknowledged by many as the first superhero of the human race, although, as we know, he was not fully human.

He learned many interesting things, but a few stood out.

It turned out that Gilgamesh had had two true friends, … well sort of.  Maybe only one.  And that one for only a time.  The first and foremost had been Enkidu, called by most “the hairy man”, unkempt and uncouth, but very strong and very loyal.  He’d passed on to the underworld, and Gilgamesh had tried to save him, battling and defeating both monsters and divinities along the way, but to no avail.

The other had been Inanna, a beautiful and all too amorous goddess with a terrible temper.  She may have been a member of the Anunnaki that the young deity admired, the pantheon in which Gilgamesh played a much more direct role, but the issue seemed confusing, at least to him.  Inanna had once unsuccessfully sought to seduce Gilgamesh, then, a while later, had begged a favor only he could perform and which he’d granted.  Superficially it seemed a minor favor, one involving a beautiful but vexing tree which Inanna had found drifting in the great river Euphrates, one of the many that flowed into the nearby sea (really, just a gulf).  It was not just any tree though, no indeed.  For one thing, it was immensely thick, thicker than several houses combined, thicker even than it was tall.  And its trunk seemed made of silver, which, as a metallurgist of sorts, was of interest to the young Canaanite deity; and its leaves seemed made of gold, his favorite metal.  And rather than just one variety of fruit, it produced two, but only during alternating seasons, each large and juicy.  One was yellow and the other red.  Under the proper astral and atmospheric conditions and subject to appropriate invocations and incantations, the fruit could grant the person that consumed it either knowledge (the yellow fruit) or immortality (the red), or if, with patience, both were eventually consumed, then omniscience and immortality. 

It was a tree with its own very special name, one it had given itself (it was capable of communing, at least with deities).  It called itself Huluppu.  After salvaging it, Inanna had replanted it in her own garden and had nursed it and cared for it as her own.  For very personal reasons but not exactly altruistic reasons.  She had definite plans for the tree but needed for it to attain a specific level of maturity before they could be implemented.  Plans that required sacrifices, specifically, one sacrifice not at all to the tree’s liking.  But then, what the hell could a tree do when a deity, or even a human had designs on it?  Still, according to legend, it could not be forced to assume other shapes as long as it was inhabited.  And rules were rules.

Fortunately for the tree (at least for a while), while it was both unique and special (the two things are not exactly synonymous), there were a few beings who had, over time, nested in its branches and in its roots and eventually, for brief period, even in its trunk.  On the down side, unfortunately their cacophony robbed Inanna of the sleep which, while not something which, as a goddess, she required, was something she enjoyed, especially when accompanied.  Like the tree, the three who called it home were special.  The first, an incarnation of the South Wind, had originally uprooted the tree from where divine Enki, Inanna’s grandfather and the avatar of Wisdom, had planted it as a seedling in Dilmun, the Anunnaki’s garden by the shores of the great river.  He’d planted it and endowed it with a “backup” copy of all his vast wisdom and knowledge deeming it prudent, as he planned a sojourn to the underworld to visit his granddaughter Ereshkigal.  One never knew what awaited one there or how easy it would be to return with everything one had had when one arrived.  He recalled all the fuss when Inanna had made that seven layered trip.

As told above, Inanna had found the tree floating near the juncture where the great river flowed into a nearby sea (actually, just a gulf) and with divine prescience, recognizing that it might someday prove essential for certain rites and rituals necessary for her to come fully into her attributes, she’d rescued it, re-planting it in her own garden.  Unfortunately for Inanna, she’d done so somewhat carelessly, somehow not noticing that the South Wind had incarnated in avian form as the divine Anzu bird, and had nested along with its young in the tree’s branches.  And the Anzu bird had not been alone.  In the tree’s roots, long before it had been uprooted, resided a very special serpent, perhaps the very first serpent, one who could not be charmed and who called itself Nin-gish-zida.  Somehow, when replanting the tree, Inanna had not noticed it either.  But then again, the tree was huge!

Nin-gish-zida was not a slithering tube, as future serpents were to become, but rather, had the body of a well formed man but with chameleonic skin that blended with its surroundings making it virtually invisible.  And it was endowed with both great wisdom and knowledge, both inadvertently obtained from Enki’s backup due to the serpent’s long association with the tree.  In a sense, it was knowledge gained by physical proximity and osmosis, something lazy but creative students in the far future would unsuccessfully intend to duplicate by placing books they’d failed to read under their pillows prior to final exams.

The third and most recent denizen, she’d moved in after Inanna had transplanted it, was a beautiful virgin, at least then.  One known to Inanna.  After all, she was Inanna’s personal handmaiden.  But, seeking a secret refuge of her own, one away from prying eyes (who knew why), Lilitu (that was her name) had had made a place of her own in the tree’s trunk, a trunk (as we’ve noted) so vast that the entrance to Lilitu’s hideaway was safely hidden from even a divinity’s inquisitive eyes.

Of course, after Huluppu had been safely replanted in Inanna’s garden, the noise from the three interlopers made their presence obvious to Inanna, but for some reason, perhaps the Anzu bird’s divinity, or Nin-gish-zida’s camouflage, or Lilitu’s stealth, Inanna was unable to dislodge them, nor did it seem essential, at least for a time.  But, after many, many years (as reckoned by mortals), Inanna, determined that the time had come to harvest the tree and use its flesh for her existential, coming of age rites.  She’d finally attained the level of maturity at which she needed to undertake special rituals involving vessels made from Huluppu’s flesh (a bed and a throne to be specific), but according to the rules of the rituals involved (who knows why), she could not dismember Huluppu unless it had first been vacated. 

Unable to dislodge the tree’s tenants on her own, not yet having attained her full powers, she’d begged the assistance of her twin brother and sometimes paramour, Utu, the sun god, (as she was goddess of the moon, among other things) in ridding the tree of its “vermin (her word, not mine), something she felt would be relatively simple for him given the fact that as he circled the mortal realms, shining light on everything, everything was visible to him and the unwelcome guests would be unable to hide from him.  But for reasons he did not disclose but which we can surmise, he’d declined.

So, surmising: as we’ve already suggested, Inanna needed the throne and bed made from the wood of the Huluppu tree in order to complete the ritual required before she could fully attain her divinity, making her Utu’s equal, and perhaps that was threatening to Utu.  On the other hand, perhaps not.  The three siblings in that particular branch of Enki’s progeny did not always get along.  Ereshkigal, was the eldest and with her husband Nergal, ruled Kur (sometimes called Irkalla), the underworld and abode of those who’d passed beyond the veil.  She was usually the most difficult, being envious of Inanna’s beauty and fearful of her ability to seduce most males, and jealous of Utu’s ability to dwell in the sky, at least during the day, while she was forced to dwell beneath the ground.  On the other hand, Utu felt that while not the eldest of the three, as a male (he was a chauvinist among very feminist sisters) he should have primacy over Inanna as, in his opinion, the sun should always outshine the moon.  So perhaps it was not surprising that Inanna had been unable to seduce Utu into assisting her, although seducing him was usually not all that difficult (incest among divinities was not universally proscribed). 

Sibling rivalries often prove very problematic, even after the siblings have purportedly matured.

The young Canaanite deity had become privy to the foregoing and followed developments with interest, especially when Inanna, despite her prior history with Gilgamesh (as we’ve written, she’d been unsuccessful in attempts to seduce him), had turned to him for help after Utu had declined her request.  Gilgamesh had been taken by Inanna’s beauty, but had refused to be seduced by her because his pride was greater than his lust. And he was all too aware of Inanna’s fickle nature and reputation of disdain for former lovers (including her husband Dumuzid, the timid shepherd divinity and perhaps, patron deity of cuckolds).  To be eventually cast off by Inanna, as always occurred, would impact his reputation for invincibility in a very negative manner and his reputation meant a lot to him.  In fact, he may have been the first person to have had his own biographer, one who was working on a series of clay tablets describing Gilgamesh’s epic exploits.  There were no photographers then but Gilgamesh, somewhat vain about his appearance, also had a court sculptor who specialized in bass reliefs meant to assure Gilgamesh’s immortality, whether or not he managed to avoid eventual exile to Ereshkigal’s realm.

Anyway, notwithstanding the foregoing (as lawyers, even then, were wont to say) Gilgamesh was aware that a woman scorned was a dangerous thing and helping her in the matter of the Huluppu tree seemed just the thing to ameliorate her antagonism.  Thus, eventually, perhaps with the help of his friend, Enkidu, or perhaps alone, Gilgamesh did as Inanna had requested and not only evicted the Huluppu tree’s sort of tenants but also personally crafted both her throne and her bed (which, as we noted, he declined to share), thereby assuaging her enmity, although, in doing so, he secured the everlasting antipathy of the Anzu bird, of Nin-gish-zida, and of Lilitu as well. 

Oh well he’d thought, inventing a saying that would become famous in many different languages, “you can’t make omelets without breaking eggs”. The young Canaanite deity, who was busy taking all of the foregoing into account, especially liked that saying, and all too quickly appropriated it as his own.  Somewhere, another divinity watched and snickered, he’s known by many names, one being Murphy, and he’s a legislator of sorts, even today.  His two most famous legislative achievements are the Law of Unintended Consequences, and a more negative variant thereof which bears his name and provides that “whatever can go wrong, will.  “Snicker, snicker, snicker” (and not the delicious future candy bar variant).

The prying young Canaanite deity, well, not quite as young by that time, more a sort of an elder adolescent, being aware of all the foregoing, had already made excellent albeit somewhat duplicitous use of that knowledge, all the while chuckling about the eggs and omelet metaphor.  As we’ve discussed, he’d been very taken by the Anunnaki, and especially, by their garden, Dilmun, and saw an opportunity to start working on realizing his long held and now much more complex fantasies.  For some reason, thinking of omelets and eggs breaking led him to think about starting his very own pantheon, and he had some clever ideas now on just how to begin, although it meant “borrowing”, not only ideas, but a few other things as well.

“Borrowing” appealed to him.  He couldn’t help it; kleptomania was part of his nature, something of which his many siblings had constantly accused him.  So he started his new project by stealing (in his mind, “salvaging”) two of the shadows cast by the Huluppu tree (the morning shadow and the afternoon shadow) just before it had been felled by Gilgamesh, and from those shadows, the young Canaanite deity crafted special trees of his own, but, unbeknown to him, shades of Nin-gish-zida inhabited them both, moving from one to the other in the darkest dark of night.

The formerly little Canaanite divinity also eventually sort of “borrowed” Lilitu.  Some would claim he’d stolen her from Inanna (not all that hard as her eviction had caused hard feelings), and had eventually placed all of the foregoing in his own garden, modeled on the plans for Dilmun that he’d somehow “acquired”.  But he’d been very careful to first carefully wipe Lilitu’s memory clean so that she’d not repent of her escape and confess.  Inanna, her former mistress, was, after all, not only the patron goddess of carnal love (perhaps lust would be more accurate), but of war as well.

The no longer little (as we’ve made abundantly clear) Canaanite divinity had special plans for Lilitu, being a voyeur at that stage of his emotional and sexual development.  Perhaps he’d devolved into voyeurism, as sometimes happens with males after a divorce or two, because his own prior direct experiences with female deities had not turned out well.  He’d had more than a few unsuccessful relationships with, among others, Anat-Yahu, Aholah and Aholibah, Asherah, Anatha of the Lions and Ashima of the Doves (ones he’d married and then divorced, but, had used his best efforts to wipe away any records of the divine judicial proceedings involved).  For some reason, he preferred to be thought of as sexually abstentious rather than as a cuckold.  An aversion he perhaps shared with Gilgamesh.

It’s said that for a time, he’d gifted Lilitu to a fellow whose name was Adam who the once little deity claimed to have created from dust.  Perhaps dust from one of the dessert storms he’d so loved.  But the Anzu bird, once again in the form of the South Wind, had managed to escape his clutches, having been terrified when he kept snickering about omelets (the Anzu bird having an obvious aversion to broken eggs).  Being able to shift forms between bird and wind, by the same means it had managed to escape the avaricious clutches of Inanna and Gilgamesh too.  As would Lilitu, eventually.  Unfortunately, Nin-gish-zida’s fate was not as positive.

But that’s another tale.  A rather tall tale at that.

Anyway, the young Canaanite deity, now no longer all that young, in fact, sporting long hair and a luxuriantly full beard which he’d copied from Gilgamesh, decided to leave his garden and, like Gilgamesh, go exploring.  Attaining his fantasies still required a good deal of work and even more luck, so he decided to return to Kengir, of course, avoiding at all costs, for the time being, until he could build up his strength, returning to the court of the El-ohim.  He’d, in fact, renounced his allegiance to the El-ohim and no longer even considered himself a Canaanite.  He was out on his own, an explorer, an innovator, a revolutionary, one with the wind (albeit not the South Wind), although he was not yet quite ready to make that public.  He’d need to build up his following before his coming out party.  He still needed a bit of patience, but time (which usually did not impact deities) was on his side.

So, smiling at the term, tempus fugit, he took his time and sort of loitered in Uruk and its environs for several centuries, perhaps even a millennium, learning everything he could about the Anunnaki and the Kengirites, their histories and rites and rituals.  Carried away with his “research, the now former Canaanite divinity, still a divinity of sorts, just not a Canaanite divinity, at least in his mind (which was all that mattered to him), lost touch with his original objective, Gilgamesh, until, eventually, it became clear to him that his hero (or perhaps now, former hero), had permanently departed for parts unknown.  Most people suspected that he’d become a denizen of Kur, although whether as a subject or ruler was unclear.  Or that perhaps he’d retired to Dilmun joining the Anunnaki side of his family there, but again, whether as a subject or ruler was unclear.  The fact though was that Gilgamesh was no longer in Kengir, other kings having replaced him in Uruk.  Consequently, the now middle-aged Canaanite deity spent less and less time in the environs of Uruk and more and more in nearby Ur and, while stealthily wandering in Ur, sort of stumbled onto a pair of angry, petulant and very dissatisfied siblings.

He liked them at once, they reminded him of, … well, … of himself, .. way back when.  One was a petulant young man whose name was Abram, and the other a very attractive young girl whose name was Sarai (or something like that).  Anyway, they were very unhappy because their parents were very opposed to their aspirations for intimacy (given that they were brother and sister).  And in fact, the priests of the religion of which they were a part were demanding that they, or at least Abram, be sacrificed as a form of atonement for their amorous aspirations.  That was not something Abram was really interested in, at least not in a positive manner, nor, to be honest, was Sarai.

Up to that time, despite his success with his garden and Adam and Lilitu, perhaps because of the unwelcome intervention of that busybody, Nin-gish-zidam the wandering former Canaanite divinity had not really acquired many worshippers of his own, and worshippers were, as all deities knew, the key to increasing their power.  He had Adam, and a replacement for the escaped Lilitu, a pleasant girl he’d convinced Adam that he’d made especially for him from one of Adam’s ribs (Adam tended to be somewhat gullible), and then, after he’d thrown Adam and Eve out of his garden (one he’d named Eden) in a temper tantrum over dietary transgressions (the now mature former Canaanite deity was strict on dietary rules and rituals, although even he didn’t fully understand why).  they’d had children, all but one of whom had acknowledged him as a deity.  But the one who got away had caused quite a bit of trouble (perhaps taking after the formerly Canaanite deity), as had his descendants.  So he needed a new strategy with updated tactics, and he had what he felt was a brilliant idea.

He just needed a few new adherents to start the ball rolling (so to speak), and if he managed to talk Abram and Sarai into escaping from Kengir, hopefully collecting additional followers along the trip, hell, he might finally be able to attain the aspirations that had seemed so improbable way back when he’d been a kid (in case you’ve forgotten, supplanting his parents and siblings, perhaps even all the other deities in all the other pantheons as well).  There’s probably a related psychological syndrome associated with the foregoing, with a fancy name, or there will be when Freud, Jung and company show up.  Or perhaps Joseph Campbell, or Robert Graves.

Anyway …

Adding a touch of silver to his beard, hair and mustachios, in order to disguise himself and make himself appear more mature and more powerful, he appeared to Abram in his divine aspect (rather than in the disguised from in which he’d met first met him and Sarai), and, feeding on his dissatisfaction and fear (who really wants to be sacrificed), promised him that if he and Sarai would worship him, and only him, he’d give them and any of their family members they selected (and who’d agree with a few minor rules and conditions which the now former Canaanite deity might suggest) a land of their own.  A place where they could fornicate or do whatever they wanted to their hearts content, although, as indicated above, they’d have to adhere to his commandments and rituals.  He did warn Abram that it might take them a while to get to the land he’d promised them (and which he didn’t actually control, he was, interestingly enough, thinking of Canaan) and that they might encounter some problems along the way.  But he also promised that he’d be with them always (and that part was true; you may remember that he had a penchant for voyeurism). 

Well, neither Abram nor Sarai had ever, to their knowledge, met a deity before and thus, after Abram shared with Sarai his discussion with the former Canaanite deity, she was very impressed at the interest taken in Abram, making him even more special in her eyes, and she also felt that it was obvious that if a deity was willing to help them, then their parents’ prohibition against incest and the priests’ demand that Abram be sacrificed were just old-fashioned and incompatible with the changing mores of the time, and that neither their parents nor their priests understood anything concerning the exigencies of true love (especially when coupled with irresistible lust), and that this new deity was much more hip than the deities their parents and their priests worshipped so, after talking it over (as usual, Abram did most of the talking and Sarai the listening, plus all the real work), they both agreed to follow the former Canaanite deity and, in the dead of night, with the former Canaanite deity’s help, drugged their parents and escaped with most of their parent’s goods and flocks (not stealing they assured themselves, just an advance on their inheritances, as the former Canaanite deity had explained to them).  And as the former Canaanite deity had hoped, they’d been joined by a number of their siblings, including Haran, Nahor and Abram and Sari’s nephew Lot.  A great start to the former Canaanite deity’s plot.

And away they went, the formerly young Canaanite god snickering (sort of like Murphy), thinking, “man this is going to be fun”.  And it wasn’t really stealing he thought, not for the first time.  He didn’t steal!  He just sometimes borrowed things other deities were not really using, and Abram and Sarai certainly fit that pattern, as had the shadows of the Huluppu tree (he’d actually saved them from becoming shadows of mere furniture) and Lilitu (who, as he saw it, Inanna had discarded).  He just loved omelets!  And he had already become very fond of gardening as well.

Of Nin-gish-zida he had nothing to say.  That had proved awkward, but it involved a sort of collateral damage situation, or perhaps an “adoption”, certainly not a kidnapping.  Anyone can make a mistake he thought.  Admitting that he could err was, however, another matter.

Good thing that Gilgamesh had not been immortal though, he thought to himself.  That might have proven awkward, at best.  And that damned Lilitu, where the hell had she disappeared to?

Now to erase all those other pesky deities!  And to remake Canaan in his image.

“Pest” was he? 

They didn’t know the half of it.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Ramblings as I Turn Seventy-Seven

July 22, 2023, Manizales.  High in the central range of the Colombian Andes, touching the sky while playing with clouds and watching birds soar below me.  Verdant mountains, snow clad peaks and thermal springs, the tall spires of a gothic cathedral with a Christ seemingly having finally accepted the adversary’s challenge while Kumanday lies dormant, at least mostly, although it’s stirred quite a bit lately in its sleep, as though unpleasant dreams were unsettling him.

Double digits again. 

1946.  The first was the instant of my birth when I was zero-zero, although of course, that could be represented in a single digit, “zero.  Mom, la Mamita, Carola and Livia, my father, all too briefly.  The Hotel Roma.  Manizales, Colombia, the Earth, the Solar system, the Galaxy, the Universe, The Multiverse.  Divinity.  All new to me just then.

1957.  Eleven: a turbulent year spent traveling from one state to another, one country to another, one continent to another. North Carolina, where I was happy, then Florida and insecurity, then Colombia, back to roots, for a little while.  A period of extreme changes, both personally, and in the country of my birth.

1968.  Twenty-two:  Rites of passage, a Citadel man.  Things changing much, much too quickly and in too confused a manner.  Bobby Kennedy assassinated.  Susan.  On my own for the first time and not all that well done.

1979.  Thirty-three:  A great deal had been accomplished, a great deal lost as well.  Vicki.  Florida.  Hazeltine.  Rutti- tootie and kazuti.

1990.  Forty-four: Cyndi; three sons, finally, but all hell breaking out, hopes dashed.  Reality confronted and slowly understood.  Metamorphosis of sorts.  Hendersonville. 

2001.  Fifty-five: Millennium’s beginning, aliens on the moon delayed.  My world seemed all too well but that was an illusion, the calm before another storm.  Joe Radcliffe in the rearview window, Lenny Tucker in his place.  Ocala.

2012.  Sixty-six:  Manizales.  Diana Marcela for a bit.  Political science, the university, the media, nationally and internationally.  Alex, two of three in the language of the Borg, or perhaps, three of five, is with me in Colombia, but on his own, having attained his own place in the world.

2023.  Seventy seven:  Natalia.  Love and stability.  Writing.  Radio.  Tennis.  Free time.  Introspection encounters speculation and reflection.

In the good old US of A in 2023:  Orwellian dystopia rampant, censorship, perpetual war, polarization.  Inchoate nuclear and environmental devastation.  Deception.  Manipulation.  Hypocrisy.  Racism and xenophobia rampant. 

Still, I have my Citadel and EMA brethren to remind me that all is not lost and that pockets of the benign still bravely exist.

A compilation: Loads of errors, from some of which I’ve learned and become a better person.  Many, many regrets, people I’ve hurt, things I’d do very differently.  Successes, most unexpected, a few well earned; luck as much as anything else.  Legacies, in writing at least, all over the place and in diverse genres.  Former students everywhere, some coming into their own while others retire.  And my own progeny: not how I’d planned or what I’d hoped for them, but seemingly doing well, although far, far away, and even more, very, very distant.  Life seems good, better than I earned on my own.  Caesar was right, the goddess Fortuna is the one most to be feared as well as adored.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

A Reflection and Introspection on the Day my Mother would have been a Century Young

My mother would have been a century old today, or perhaps a century young. 

She was born on the 9th of July in 1923 to a complex couple, a sort of Cinderella and her Prince, only the prince was a French physician, albeit of noble stock, and the setting was in the Republic of Colombia, in the Department of Cundinamarca, in a small municipality near Bogota, and Cinderella was a beautiful very young woman, a bright young woman with little formal education (only her step siblings received that) but fascinated by the esoteric and by alternative spiritual philosophies, and those drew her close as the man who was to become her husband was, it was said, clairvoyant.  Unfortunately not clairvoyant enough to foretell his early death, leaving behind a beautiful young widow with two small children, one of them my mother: a little girl with a very long name: María del Rosario de Nuestra Señora de Chiquinquirá Mahé Val Buena (or perhaps Rubiano).  “Mahé” was her paternal last name.  People called her either “Rosario” or, if they were close to her, “Chalito”, but after she emigrated to the United States, most Americans called her “Rose”.  Late in life, for reasons of her own, she legally shortened her name to “Rosal”, Spanish for a rose bush, but that was something I never quite accepted.  Then again, … to me her name was always “Mom”. 

My mother was a very complex person and lived a very complex life, for some reason, usually electing to hide her myriad talents as an artist, a poet, a philosopher, a philanthropist, etc.  While she started her life as a beautiful and vibrant young woman who aspired to the stage, those dreams faded all too soon, and she lived most of her life very humbly, and all too often, very alone.  Still, she was a miracle worker who raised me as though, like my grandfather, I was a young noble and required appropriate training in history, politics, philosophy, chivalry, the arts, equestrian sports, etc.  I still can’t fathom how she accomplished it but I know that everything positive I ever became or I ever accomplished I owe to her.  The bad traits and failures are all my own.

She remained a child at heart all her life and loved watching and re-watching young Shirley temple movies and the Wizard of Oz, and was horrified when, as a teen, I went through an “objectivist”, Ayn Rand phase.  She wanted me to be a man of the people, a champion of the oppressed and certainly not an oppressor.  Fortunately, I outgrew that phase (as I outgrew many others) and slowly but steadily strove to be what she’d hoped.

She and my father were separated when I was very young.  Evidently they had a serious argument over his relationship with his secretary, a relationship he always claimed was innocent, but who knows.  And being naïve, she went for solace to my grandmother who immediately swept us up, sent my mother to the United States and apparently hid my younger sister and me among friends and relatives.  My father claimed to have searched for us, but he claimed a lot of things when I got to know him many years later, things that didn’t appear to be quite true, at least according to the trail of children he left behind, siblings I hardly knew but came to dearly love, after we eventually met.  Nevertheless, my mother loved him for the rest of her life and never said a negative thing about him to me.  Rather, she led me to believe that he’d been a paragon, a mixture of a De Vinci and a Rolando Furioso, albeit in a short, thin package.  Obviously, although saintly in most respects, veracity was not always her strong point.  It was only as I matured and aged that I came to realize that the paragon had always been her.

A century she never sought is what I’m sort of celebrating today, a day on which I’m reflecting on who she was and on everything she did, and not just for me.  My Colombian cousins practically worship her as, regardless of how little she had, on each of their birthdays and on every Christmas, she showered them with gifts, especially after her brother, their father had passed away.  She didn’t love life, but she loved me, and she loved her version of the divine.  She loved him with all her heart, and she longed to reunite with him, perhaps perceiving in the divine a father figure who she associated with her own father, he who had passed away much too soon, but had left her with a very lasting impression. 

She passed away very young as well.  Although not nearly as young as did he.  She was about to turn sixty-seven.  It was the fourth of June, 1990.  My youngest son, Edward, was born six months later.  My second son Alex doesn’t remember her, he was a wee bit more than two years old when she left.  But she bonded with Billy, my firstborn, and he remembers her well, and he remembers her stories about dinosaurs which he loved when little.  And he remembers our trips to visit her weekly towards the end; a four hour ride from Hendersonville, North Carolina, where we lived then, to Jacksonville, North Carolina, where my sister Marina was caring for her.  It was strange having four year old Billy watch her expiring but I wanted him to remember her always, and he does.  Those rides were memorable for both of us, silly rides with silly songs making silly noises in very sad times.

She’s been gone a long time now.  Thirty-three years, a month and five days.  And I think of her often.  I keep the plastic box which for a brief time held her ashes on a shelf in front of my desk, a box I’ve filled with little things I thought she might find meaningful: my sons’ baby teeth, an old bathing suit each wore in turn, my eldest son’s high school identification card, a cell phone my college roommate, now deceased, once gave me.  And taped to the box is a photocopy of a brief article in our local paper here in Manizales, I paper for which I write from time to time, an article with a photo of her, wishing her well as she moved to a new country.  An article almost three quarters of a century old.

I glance at that picture often, and I keep it close to me so that the pain of her passing lives on but morphed into something beautiful and positive, something that gives me courage and hope when I most need it, and an example to follow when I’m tempted to stray from the paths she sowed so carefully for me.

Happy birthday Mom, and thank you for being you, and thank you for everything you miraculously did to make me who you hoped I’d be.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.

Physics or Metaphysics or Just Deity’s First Day

Deity did not remember waking, ever, or having come into existence, but it had.  Its initial memory was reflecting on curiosity, difficult as, other than itself, there was nothing about which to be curious, but there was a tension between that infinite boredom that was its essence and curiosity concerning what it was and from whence it came, a curiosity insatiable because of the dearth of answers, a dearth which could seemingly never be satisfied thus imposing boundaries that bound it, the only boundaries there were, the only boundaries there had ever been. 

Fortunately, time did not exist, nor did space, so the boredom was not as overpowering as it might have been.  Reflection on introspection, somewhat vacuous at best, was all there was to entertain Deity.  And perhaps reflections on boredom, on the nature of boredom, accompanied perhaps, by speculation on whether or not boredom might not have complex components.  What if boredom was a composite of other factors, but then, Deity knew nothing of either composites or factors, or anything really.  It knew everything there was to know, which was virtually nothing, but virtually nothing was not the same as nothing, so, in that sense, it was concurrently omniscient.

Then, after forever as then defined, although there being no one to define it, it was undefinably ineffable, of a sudden, everything, which prior to that instant had been nothing, exploded.  A tiny explosion at first, but growing geometrically, growing omnidirectionally, matter and energy and radiation seemingly forming from what some might someday describe as inchoate ether, and Deity experienced surprise.  Not its first surprise; that had occurred the instant outside of time when it had attained sentience, albeit with nothing about which to be sentient.  But this was its first sort of external surprise, although external was not the appropriate concept as it had been Deity that had exploded, perhaps as a result of uncontainable curiosity meeting immovable boredom, and thus it was Deity itself that was expanding geometrically and omnidirectionally, morphing from Deity to Divinity, and wondering whether it could exercise any control over what appeared to be a deterministic phenomenon, one based solely on reaction and counter reaction, infinitely amplified; well, almost infinitely.  And the concept of volition entered Divinity’s lexicon, a very brief lexicon just then, but with a great deal of potential for future growth now that future was a concept, and past, and present.

Confusion reigned with chaos as its consort, or perhaps, visa versa, as determinism played with volition in Divinity’s imagination and boredom radiated into apparent nothingness, but apparent nothingness is not the same as nothingness, even if solely comprised of echoes and shadows playing at becoming rainbows and fireflies, well, perhaps someday. 

Reflection and introspection gave way to a struggle to contain and control the emerging expansion, but then immediately, or almost immediately, which was obviously different than immediately, reflection returned to speculate over what had happened, and whether why was relevant, or existed at all, which of course resulted in the birth of why, and curiosity broke its tensional tie with boredom.  Not that boredom disappeared, but it was somewhat subsumed, at least for a while, as eternity and infinity blossomed and grew, and Divinity entered its infancy, bereft of either a maternal or paternal influence, … at least as far as it knew.

And thus ended the first instant of unrecorded time, with many, many more instants to come, instants in diverse colors and flavors, instants with quite a few consequences, some of which, perhaps, were eventually collected into what would someday be referred to as a zeptosecond, and zeptoseconds into almost eternal nanoseconds, and then, well seconds and minutes, until finally, the temporal and spatial cumulous conformed what some would refer to as the first day, although, of course, Divinity was not among them.

But that’s a different story.
_______

© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2023; all rights reserved.  Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution.

Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen).  Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales.  He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador.  He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies).  However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony.  He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.