After deep reflection and introspection, he finally concluded that he did not really believe in anyone, not even in himself. As long as interests coincided, loyalty was a possibility albeit not a certainty, but once they clashed, regardless of shared interests, loyalty evaporated into hazy rationalizations. And that made sense.
That was logical. No one was safely reliable. No one could always be counted on. Love made no difference, it was, by its nature, always potentially ephemeral and always frailly ethereal. And when dissipated, love all too frequently morphed into something very negative, something akin to hate or at best, disdain.
Disquieting? Of course. Sad? Terribly. But to expect otherwise was to delude oneself, something most of us did frequently, indeed, almost always. When we find reality discomfiting, we usually ignore it and delve into our own personal fantasies, … and not the fun kind.
There were people he could almost count on but he admitted to himself that “almost” was a positivist way of presenting a negative, and dangerously so. And it applied to himself as much as to anyone, and not just with respect to others, it applied to him in his roles with himself as well. How strange.
It applied to us as individuals but also to us as collectives which explained much of history, not the fake narrative Pablum we’re taught and force fed daily, but the reality of what’s been and why.
He wondered if this day, a day where realism seemed ascendant, was a very good day, or a very bad day, and the answer was a confusingly emphatic: “yes”! _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
Charles Dickens’ “a Christmas Carol” has, since it was first portrayed on the stage and screen, resonated with very diverse segments of our population although now, more realistic Carols seem to focus on a new verse, one appended to the beginning of “the Twelve Days of Christmas”, one that starts six months earlier than the older verses and deals with “… myriad merchants a’ selling ….” So perhaps that older resonance is a bit dulled and in need of refreshing.
Perhaps a bit of reflection might help, a bit of introspection as the solstice skims by us and echoes of pagan Yule and Roman Saturnalia regale us with mirth to go along with the myrrh purportedly provided to an ostensibly special infant born in Palestine long before Zionists sought to destroy that part of the world; well, destroy it, then absorb it, and then turn it into an exclusive Palestinians-free paradise. One might be excused for wondering what use a newborn would have for myrrh, a fragrant gum resin obtained from certain trees and used, especially in the Near East, in perfumery, medicines, and incense, but, what the heck; … so the story goes and the gift of myrrh is not its least credible aspect.
Soooo, … let’s reflect away to the tune of “Jingle Bells”, or perhaps, the Jose Feliciano version of “Feliz Navidad”:
On an individual basis, the Christmas season is delightful, at least for people blessed with positive familial harmonics supplemented by ties of easily accessible meaningful friendship, but it is deeply depressing for those not so set apart. The latter group concerns me deeply because it is comprised of the forgotten and of those who for one reason or other, never seemed to matter. Those with whom the Nazarene, whose birthday so many purportedly celebrate during this season, would be most concerned, assuming he existed and was as beneficently described rather than the angry Pauline version. Of course, while in the modern “Western” world the season focuses on the Nazarene, the season’s traditions are primordial and have been, in many cases, usurped through manufactured syncretism with far older and more complex cultures, cultures which in some cases have refused amalgamation.
Perhaps the foregoing might serve as a thought bandied about among the ghosts of Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas future, a thought we might all want to take into account and perhaps, about which we might even consider doing something positive. And if so, why limit it to this particular season?
Bah humbug!!!! I wonder what exactly, using linguistic analysis and perhaps philology that is meant to mean. _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
I’m reading Hermann Hesse’s Steppenwolf, possible even rereading it. I owned a copy in my twenties and thought I’d read it but it now seems obvious to me that I didn’t.
There are several translations available but the one I’m reading seems inadequate to me. I have a graduate degree in translation studies and linguistics (although it is not my primary profession) so perhaps I tend to be more critical than might be fair. Still, the disappointment at what seemed a poor translation of a seminal novel faded as I “plowed” through it until, suddenly, it seemed much less inadequate. The “plowing” ceased and sowing started, especially after I was introduced to “Hermine”.
Originally, the title of this article, a sort of literary review, was to be “Reflections on Hermine”, perhaps it still should be, but as readers will note towards the end, the more traditionally serious civic and literary aspects of this piece devolve into what some will consider sophomoric parody, hence the modification to the title. Hermine does not deserve to be tainted by parody, nor is it the intent of the latter part of this article to engage in parody, but one cannot control the reflections of readers or critics, especially those lacking in both a sense of humor and joy in the sensual; something now all too common as somehow, the liberal perspectives of the 1960s have morphed into censorious Puritanism.
“The” Steppenwolf’s transcendent fame is centered on its psychological reflections and on its refractive introspection with reference to human nature, but for me, at least so far, I’ve derived more from its perhaps unintended sociological and historical revelations as well as from the irreverent digression referenced above. On the more serious historical side, shortly after Hermine was introduced I was struck by the protagonist’s bitterness towards German jingoists who virulently attacked him and other pacifists, much as happens today in the United States, the United Kingdom, Europe and of course, Israel. What most struck me with reference to the foregoing is that the novel was published in 1927, long before Hitler’s ascent, and thus belied much of the fault assigned to him for subsequent events. The blame, of course, rightfully belongs to the Treaty of Versailles and the viciousness of the victorious Entente, as hypocritical a group as ever blemished the face of our planet. It was their greed and hypocrisy that generated bitterness and desire for revenge among the populace of the German nation, a supranational society that included not only the Weimer Republic but Austria as well, and parts of Poland and Czechoslovakia. A subsurface fury very similar to that generated among Muslims and especially Palestinians today by the disdain with which they are treated by those same countries.
Those brief passages generated cascading reflections on my part as they so accurately presaged the future and now, today’s present. And not only with respect to the rise of the Nazis and their defeat in the oxymoronic “second war to end all wars”. It also struck me that it was members of this same “alliance” now calcified in NATO, namely the United States, the United Kingdom and France, which orchestrated the now obviously hypocritical Nuremberg and Tokyo post war tribunals, proceedings disguised as efforts to impose ex post facto rules of war and legal norms applicable with respect to treatment of subjugated minorities. Rules totally ignored with respect to the victors, not only during those proceedings but ever since. Witness the United States’ facilitation of the slaughter of tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians by Israel for the past three quarters of a century, and especially since October 7, 2023. But then, as Hesse notes, hypocrisy has almost always, perhaps always been the only norm governing interstate, international and intercultural conflicts. It seems ingrained in our nature as the Steppenwolf aspect of Hesse’s protagonist so emotively observed. As I focused on those brief passages, I couldn’t help but recall how the victors in the second war to end all wars, as they were in the first war to end all wars, were as guilty as the vanquished in too many instances, and that the same lot of hypocritical victors, led for centuries by the United Kingdom, have kept the world in constant conflict as they successfully exploited and looted the Global South. Slavery has not really been eliminated, it’s just been camouflaged and swept under rugs.
Having taught history for a decade in my relative youth and, during the past several decades, having been actively involved in political analysis, both academically as chair of university political science, government and international relations programs, and as a participant in numerous media events, television and radio programs, etc., I was inexcusably caught off guard by the epochal reality brought to light for me by Hermann Hesse, i.e., the early appearance of underlying trends which would all too soon blossom into militarist fascism preceding the rise of the Nazi’s, although, on reflection, it is obvious that the Nazis did not sprout fully formed from ether. And although I should not have been surprised, I was again caught off guard by the reality that “all too frequently one learns a great deal more from analyzing an epoch’s or a culture’s fiction than one does from assiduously studying learned historical treatises”, respected albeit inaccurate sources which all too frequently only blend strains of propaganda seasoned with rationalization in order to obfuscate what really happened and why. It is fascinating to realize that either Herman Hesse was prescient or, more likely, that the history we are taught is so bogus that “the more we claim things change, the more they actually stay the same”.
I have another author to thank for my renewed interest in Hermann Hesse, one who reminds me of a now deceased friend, the brilliant translator and poet, Sam Hamill, who founded “Poets against War” as the disastrous second United States incursion into Iraq loomed. His name is Germán Eugenio Restrepo and I met him at the introduction of his latest “sort-of-novel in a fascinating blend of art gallery, cultural center, restaurant and bar in the City of Manizales, a special and somewhat esoteric place with the very appropriate name, given the context of this article, of “El Bestiario” (the Bestiary in Spanish). Germán mentioned Herman Hesse in passing in his novel, and then, responding to my detailed observations, reflections and analysis, admitted that, like so many others, he’d found Steppenwolf particularly meaningful in his youth, perhaps even foundational. That led me to almost immediately purchase a copy of Steppenwolf, along with copies of other Herman Hesse’s novels I’d either never read or had lost (I’ve always kept a copy of Siddhartha nearby but I now also own Narcissus and Goldmund, Beneath the Wheel and The Glass Bead Game, all of which I’ve yet to start).
Germán’s novel is entitled, in Spanish, Diatriba de un Ángel Caído (Diatribe of a Fallen Angel). He’s a complex, erudite and talented fellow who, as in the case of Chilean Nobel laureate, Pablo Neruda, can “confess that he has lived. His “novel” is full of insights and allusions to other works, of references to numerous philosophers and to enlightening esoterica. Indeed, such allusions seemed as though they, rather than any of the characters in his book, were the protagonists, but its most endearing quality was the personal introspection it stimulated and the lost memories and feelings it evoked. Germán’s novel also provided emotionally enlightening insights into the Republic of Colombia where I was born, and where, after half a century abroad, I again live, and of its disastrous history of bellicosity and inequity. Unfortunately, his novel will probably be difficult to obtain, although with todays’ virtual world, perhaps electronic copies will be available. It hope so. It is one thing to read history and quite another to feel as though one were actually a participant in the distressing historical realities narrated, something both Hesse and Germán were able to elicit.
I’m a bit over two thirds of the way through The Steppenwolf and “Hermine”, the female protagonist, is evolving from the initial impression Hesse generated, although “her evolution” is not quite contextually accurate, she is who she always was and it is only my impression of who she is that is evolving. I was initially struck by her ability to immediately attain total control over the chief protagonist, Harry Haller, something I’d once experienced (as the object) with a woman who kept me enthralled for about a decade in what now seems another life, but Hermine is quickly becoming more multidimensional and I find myself in that delightful point where, immersed in literature, I seem personally involved; recognizing the situation in which the protagonists find themselves but, as in the case of John Rawls’ “veil of ignorance”, unsure just how that resonance will play out. I can’t help but contrast Steppenwolf with Hesse’s Siddhartha, an allegorical novel which I have loved for decades, and the comparison is still very much in the latter’s favor, but I’m intrigued by how that perception may evolve given the fame of the former. The Steppenwolf seemed a bit convoluted at the start but has become a bit more human in the middle. I guess the transcendent elements are yet to come, at least for me.
“The” Steppenwolf, which I enjoy using as the title instead of merely Steppenwolf, is, in my opinion, the more appropriately translated title, although “the Steppenwolves” might have been more contextually accurate, as the novel deals with a bipolar hypothesis tested by multipolarity, one with which I’ve played in some of my own writings, especially in relationship to analyzing reincarnation, where I posit that if it exists, then our physical bodies are likely simultaneous experiential vehicles for myriads of entities requiring specific experiences, sort of like the “Legion” with whom Yeshua the Nazarene once interacted, but in a much more benign sense. I’m intrigued by the spiritual concept of panentheism and in that sense, reincarnation would be the panentheistic means through which the divine, learns, evolves and approaches perfection (which it can never attain). A context in which we are merely Divinity’s cells and organs. In that sense, I’ve irreverently toyed with the idea that the more we pray, the more the Divine suffers from migraines.
In my own writings I frequently explore alternative perspectives from a contrarian viewpoint, exploring how, for example, Lucifer, Caine, Benedict Arnold and others almost universally adjudged arch villains perceive of themselves in relation to their antagonists. And that proclivity is not limited to fiction. I tend to champion causes disdained by many of my peers, even so far as to defend people whose values I find distasteful, Donald Trump being an example.
Sort of in that vein but taking another turn towards the irreverent (but perhaps not irrelevant), I will here dare to read between the lines writ by Hesse, delving into an essential aspect of the human psyche, one dealt with but perhaps not adequately articulated in The Steppenwolf (although, as I am only about two thirds of the way through the novel, I may be quite wrong). It deals with the allegorical reality that not all literary wolves are wild animals. Indeed, metaphorically, men who are enthralled by the predatory physical expression of lust (albeit usually denominated as love), are also referred to as “wolves” and thus, perhaps a person who perceives of himself as in a state of bipolarity between such a wolf and a more decent, more respectable or at least more superficially acceptable personality might, after having read Hermann Hesse’s Steppenwolf, consider himself a “schtuppenwolf”. Personally, I find that term somewhat horrifyingly corny and way too much of a pun, but it just won’t go away as I share these impressions. So, how might I share with the reader just what that impression entails? Perhaps the concept can best be illustrated through an example in recent “media culture” (I can’t help but reflect that the phrase “media culture” seems somewhat oxymoronic). The example that comes to mind involves the qualities, traits and practices fictionally memorialized in a comedic television series no longer generally available (having been judged as politically incorrect); i.e., the character of Charley Harper, played by Charlie Sheen (Carlos Estevez) in “Two-and-a-Half-Men”. I wonder if Mr. Estevez ever read Steppenwolf, or any of the novels written by Hermann Hesse. Others more critical of Mr. Estevez may unfairly wonder if he ever read anything at all. Much earlier during the dawn of the television era, my example would have been the protagonist in a series about a photographer, The Bob Cummings Show.
Admittedly this turn in these observations seems a bit frivolous. But it’s also relevant in the context of the complexity evoked by Hermann Hesse’s literary creation. At least as far as I can glean (so far), Harry, the male protagonist in Steppenwolf, unexpectedly has room in his confusion for levity as well gloom, something Hermine clearly understands. So, it seems fair to wonder, at least I do, what Hermann Hesse would have thought of the concept of a schtuppenwolf.
At first blush, one might suspect that he would have found it disagreeable, but then, given his defense of multipolarity instead of bipolarity, there would certainly be room in the complex human psyche he portrayed for one or more schtuppenwolves, as well as for all sorts of alternative psychosocial personalities. Indeed, to an extent, finding and extracting the schtuppenwolf seems to be what Hermann Hesse’s heroine, “Hermine”, sought to accomplish with Harry Haller when she intimately acquainted him with her friend, Maria.
Initially the antithesis of Charley Harper, Harry eventually incorporates some of Charley Harper’s attributes into his complex of personalities. Or perhaps, he merely becomes reacquainted with them, having experienced them during a happier youth, and then misplaced them. It occurs to me that Carlos Estevez/Charlie Sheen/Charley Harper might also have opinions with reference to the foregoing (after all, he already has multiple names). One wonders whether he might not find Derr Schtuppenwolf an excellent title for his own composite biography, or even better, autobiography. Oh what a tale that could make, with dozens of Hermines and Marias, etc.
I wonder what my new friend Germán will think of these observations. He is profoundly serious and eclectic but not bereft of a sense of humor. And sexual passion and eroticism play crucial roles in his own novel so that the concept of a schtuppenwolf might actually have a role to play therein, albeit unwritten; as it does in many poets and artists, or at least had before the Dawn of the Woke. Schtuppenwolves, if not extinct, must now be carefully obfuscated.
What an admittedly strange digression in an article concerning serious novels, but perhaps, not one uncalled for. Rather, what a sad reflection on our values and with reference to the world in which we find ourselves that, rather than joyous, the concept of a schtuppenwolf seems so incongruously out of place when analyzing one of Hermann Hesse’s seminal novels. Actually, out of place anywhere if one hopes to avoid career shattering litigation. Ask Johnny Depp for example.
If only the schtuppenwolf’s onomatopoeic component and “punnic” (as a neologistic derivative adjective for pun) aspects were not so prominent.
Postscript of sorts:
I’ve now passed the three quarters mark, I’m towards the end of the masked ball, Hermine has already revealed herself to Harry and, no, Harry lacks the qualities essential for a schtuppenwolf. The desire is there, and the physical joy, as is the eroticism, but not the predatory elements necessary for a real schtuppenwolf. In fact, it is Hermine and Maria who possess the requisite combination of energy and apparent disdain that make a schtuppenwolf. But there’s still almost a quarter of the novel to go, a quarter of the novel in which, perhaps, I`ll find its existential nature, and perhaps a schtuppenwolf or two.
“Yearning”, a fox trot. Wondering what made it so special to Harry and the rest of the guests at the masque ball, I played it on YouTube. Alas, I guess I lacked the appropriate context, or perhaps I was too full of context Harry and the others had yet to experience, nor could I identify the sounds of a saxophone Pablo would have been playing. Oh well. Still, Hesse made me curious enough to step out of the novel for an instant. Nicely done! On the other hand, YouTube automatically played “Suave” by Johannes Linstead next and, though separated by almost a century, Pablo on the saxophone seemed eerily present, eerily but happily. And it occurred to me that if Harry was not a schtuppenwolf, Pablo most probably was, happily and innocently so. Can a schtuppenwolf be innocent though?
Now it’s done, resolution irresolutely unresolved and the existential experience denied me. A strange journey though, in that Magic Theater, the one starring Pablo as the schtuppenwolf and quite a bit more. _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Humpty Dumpty on the wall before he had a great fall, the Queen of Hearts seems heartless, at least as far as Alice is concerned and fair weather friends are best in the late Spring, definitely not in late Fall.
It was in 2005, as he remembered it, although it might have been in late 2004. Approximately eighteen years had elapsed, enough time for someone to have been born and then attained majority. One would think a great deal had happened during that interim, and it had, but still, he felt as though he’d stepped on a tread mill, and that there he’d stayed.
His marriage had failed through duplicity, perhaps self-induced, as so many marriages then tended to end. Something which has not changed. But ironically, that failure had led to liberation. It had led to what, at first blush, seemed exhilarating freedom and new horizons. Among other things, he’d finally felt that he’d become a poet: there’d been plenty of inspiration in superficial sorrow and contrived despondency, not because of his wife’s betrayal, not really, but because so much that he’d loved, especially his family, had to be surrendered if he was to move on, if he was to regain the momentum he’d foregone for so long. There’s a price for most things under the sun and beyond the stars, perhaps for everything. And it seems to bear compounded interest.
Of course, his experience was not unique, it had become commonplace, almost a rule. Except, perhaps, for the bit about poetry. But even that was not unusual. And it was not his first experience at starting over after a failed relationship. That too was no longer infrequent. Transience now seemed the rule.
There was a melody he’d come across as his life was becoming undone, one he’d listen to constantly, one that seemed to translate what he felt and what he perceived he’d feel in the future, a melody more accurate and more complete than mere words. It started out forlornly, then became reflective, perhaps introspective, and gradually, it became joyous, even festive. It was an instrumental ballad, nouveaux flamenco played primarily on a Spanish guitar but accompanied by diverse forms of percussion, perhaps by violins as well. He still payed it regularly. Over time, it acquired additional meaning as different women passed through his life, a growing list of unsuccessful intimate relationships each of which he’d ended when he realized that, notwithstanding his aspirations, they were going nowhere and that he was impeding the ability of his paramours too find the truly meaningful long-term spouses they deserved.
His life seemed to parallel that special music: streaked with melancholy and nostalgia but also, unaccountably, because it had no rational justification, stained with tedium. Too often his decisions seemed to become based on overcoming boredom rather than anything truly positive. Monotony, bred, not by a lack of things to do, but by repetition.
He was accomplishing interesting, even important things, he was writing and publishing a great deal, and his counsel was sought on a variety of issues by interesting people who took his opinions seriously, as a result of which, he’d attained the respect and affection of a new set of peers, but his life seemed to lack substance somehow, as though it was bereft of flavor and aroma, as though it were set in a colorless rainbow. He was doing reasonably well, apparently growing, apparently happy, but those appearances lacked the dimensions he craved. He felt that he just “was”.
Lumps comfortably resting on logs all too frequently came to mind. Although sometimes, he’d imagine that the lumps might be enchanted princes in frog form. Or even better, princesses.
He missed his sons, who’d become estranged and were living their own lives in another continent, one that might just as well have been another planet, but that was not the problem. He realized that they had their own lives to live, their own goals, their own aspirations and their own new families in which his role was, at best, minimal, but as long as they were happy, or at least satisfied, he was too.
After a number of almost satisfying albeit unsuccessful intimate relationships he’d remarried, and his new wife embodied almost everything for which he’d ever hoped. More than he could reasonable have expected really, more than he probably deserved. Thus, his domestic life was tranquil and, to an extent, almost fulfilled. But still, he felt hollow. Hollow but ironically full of clamoring echoes calling for something he couldn’t divine, something that he couldn’t define.
He’d hoped for hummingbirds and butterflies and dragon flies but had gotten flies and mosquitos instead. They smelled of boredom, but then, what was boredom anyway? Ennui perhaps. Ennui is a bit more classy and complex than mere boredom. And he wondered if he’d attained the point, as Fernando Pessoa had once supposed, where tedium had become his most reliable and constant companion?
Not a good trait for someone with expectations of immortality.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Humpty Dumpty on the wall before he had a great fall, the Queen of Hearts seems heartless, at least as far as Alice is concerned and fair weather friends are best in the late Spring, definitely not in late Fall. _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
I woke up this morning dreaming of the “The Bells of St. Mary’s”, a film starring Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman that I probably first watched as an eighth grade student at St. Gerard de Magella, a Catholic school in Hollis, Queens, a neighborhood in New York City. It’s been a favorite of mine ever since, though hard to view now; times have changed and the values reflected in that film no longer predominate. It reflects a sort of idyllic yet plebian epoch where we believed we stood for decency, ignoring the cultural cancers that afflicted us, the genocide of indigenous Americans and racism based on our history of unrepentant abuse of Africans, as well as our penchant for intervening militarily in the affairs of others in order to appropriate their natural resources.
St. Gerard’s though seemed reflective of a streak of decency, as was Father O’Malley’s and Sister Mary’s St. Mary’s. My best friend at the time, albeit briefly, was an African American of Jamaican ancestry whose name was Cuthbert Williamson. Other close friends were Italian and Irish, and I had a serious crush on a girl whose ancestry I never knew, but whose name was Patricia Maher; all of us happily melding, unaware of how much our world would change or just how hypocritical the country we loved was and had always been.
I think we’ve strayed from the path that might have led from there to the best version of who we should have become. Instead of curing our societal ills, we glossed over them self-righteously and became a more and more polarized society and a larger and larger danger to ourselves and even more so to the rest of the world. Indeed, we became that which we claimed so many of the best among us had died to prevent in the second of our wars to purportedly end all wars and today, our government, if not all of our people, avidly supports ethnic cleansing and the mass murder of civilians that most of the world, at least in the global south, considers genocide. And, of course, our government seeks to embroil us in wars all over the globe in order to attain the worldwide hegemony that we purportedly disdained when I attended St. Gerard.
Shortly after I graduated from St. Gerard, a sort of poetic prophet playing a harmonica and a guitar, and singing what seemed like the hymns of our generation (albeit sort of off key), arose and stirred us towards a better world, asking “when will we ever learn” and declaring that the “times they were a ‘changing”. But we haven’t and they didn’t; … not really. And the innocence of St. Mary’s is gone.
My mood as I awoke this morning was nostalgic and melancholy, as tends to happen as we mature, and I reflected on my personal failures and on my regrets instead of on the successes I’ve attained and the blessings I enjoy; on the many friends and relationships that have vanished and which I did not appreciate as much as they deserved. Bittersweet memories, reflections and introspections. But I also focused on the hope Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman generated when I watched their interplay, a sense of hope they still inspire whenever I manage to revisit Father O’Malley and Sister Mary.
A sense of hope we desperately need today when their like seems all too hard to find. _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
He wrote in the third person when he wanted to make it less obvious about whom he wrote. Of course, that sometimes made it more, rather than less, obvious.
Anyway, ….
He was a closet introvert who spent a great deal of time on reflective introspection trying to understand himself and to fathom the realities involving good and evil, all too often, apparently, sides of the same coin as interpreted by those impacted, either by their own actions, or by the consequences they experienced as a result of the actions of others. He very much wanted to be good, as long as it was not too inconvenient, and he hated hypocrisy, at least in others.
He believed that truth was an absolute but an obfuscated absolute, too often artificially complicated and muddled by those for whom truth was inconvenient, and that, sadly, included him. He speculated on the nature of mendacity and came to various conclusions. First, on the one hand, it was a natural human impulse when an imbalance of power existed, resulting in insecurity, or even when such an imbalance was only an inaccurate perception; but on the other, it was a sadistic expression of hubris on the part of those who wanted to be perceived as in the right, knowing that was not the case. The latter tended to need quite a bit of cake in order to eat it, but without exhausting the supply available to them. He wondered concerning the long term consequences of mendacity and came to conclude that it prevented solution to real problems, although perhaps masking the problems for a time during which they tended to metastasize, creating a more and more complex web woven of materials apparently based on singularity theory and thus, all but inescapable. The conclusion? Well, formulation of any real conclusion would require a lot more than merely two hands.
He also reflected on the consequences of boredom which he came to believe led to overeating and depression (among other things), and to ill thought out actions whose consequences were rarely positive. Boredom seemed avoidable but cognitive labyrinths inexplicably blocked positive solutions, creating self-perpetuating negative feedback loops which required a great deal of discipline to avoid.
“Discipline” doing something that needed doing when was not disposed to do it.
As seems obvious from the foregoing, his introspection tended to wander from subject to subject, sometimes involving rational links, sometimes objective, but all too often seemingly without rhyme or reason, or at least apparently without rhyme or reason. Further reflection sometimes turned up profound insights, or at least what appeared to be profound insights.
He liked writing, perceiving that it provided a means of communication between the diverse aspects of his personality and nature, both concurrently and temporally, and disclosed the unreliability of memory, evidently something heavily impacted by what he referred to as legis murphiatum. Writing seemed an essential means to maximize the potential of his introversion while minimizing the existential threat of boredom.
And, of course, he wrote in the third person when he wanted to make it less obvious about whom he wrote although sometimes that made it more, rather than less, obvious, about whom he wrote. _______
Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/